Sit With Me

One of my favorite things in the world is a bench. A park bench, a bench on the side of the road, or a log on the beach. Each one provides a place to sit in silence or conversation with another person. You do not sit across from one another, but beside. This physical structure creates a space to exist alongside someone. It does not seek action or solutions, but stillness and acknowledgement. 

One of the questions I ask the most is “how are you today?”. It is a common question. I ask it to the barista making my coffee, the ladies at work, my roommates, uber driver, or anyone I interact with. My purpose for using this phrase is not just as a simple greeting, but to open up a space for someone to exist in an authentic way. Even if it is only for a few seconds, asking the question, “how are you today” opens up a spot for someone to sit on the bench beside you. To be their listening ear. 

The past couple weeks I have found myself sitting beside others both physically and in conversation. These interactions are the most precious to me. Precious because of the people I get to connect with, but also because of the anxiety I once felt in both silence and in conversations. I get to reflect back on how I no longer fear these moments but enjoy them more than any others.

To start, I began going to a new coffee shop near my house and got to know the barista there. I always started our conversations with  “how are you today” and some days she would respond with a simple, “I am well”, and other times expressed her exhaustion or overwhelm. I go there most days, and each time she opens up a little bit more and I get to be a small, but consistent part of her day.

Secondly, this weekend my roommates and I journeyed along the Garden Route sitting in a bus for several hours. Our time was filled with talking and laughing, as well as in silence. New conversations and topics were sparked from being around one another. One moment specifically, I was sharing an earphone with my roommate. I felt so happy to get to be with her and I looked over at her and smiled, and she smiled back. That smile turned into a hug and I just thought about how thankful I was that she has been beside me my entire time here. 

Lastly, on a recent Flourish Friday, one of the ladies was working on her project during her break. I offered to cut the thread for her to speed up the process. And so, she handed me her scissors and I got to cutting. There we sat, listening to Adele (her favorite singer, and one of mine as well), both singing along and not needing to say anything else. In that moment, we shared our love for Adele, singing, and creating together, all without having to say anything. I felt so much comfort and ease sitting beside her. Working together toward the same goal and enjoying the same music connected us more than any conversations has so far.

So, why am I drawn to a bench?

And why do I ask “how are you today?”

Because these two things create connection and peace. They allow a person’s guard to go down because there are no expectations on how to show up. They both provide a seat beside you for someone to meet you where you’re at, or for you to meet them. 

And so, I have learned, that you can love someone just by asking them to sit beside you. And if you do, I think you may also find yourself in some of your own precious moments.