Safe Spaces

Fearing for one’s safety is a feeling that all women know. 

This fear does not stop women from walking alone or traveling by themselves, but does add a burden of anxiety that she must unjustly carry in these situations. 

Every day I walk seven minutes to the office. I have feelings of unease when I leave my gate and relief when I return. Just like most women, I am on high alert when I walk alone as I calculate others’ moves in order to navigate myself between two locations. These two locations are safe places for me that calm my nerves and allow me to relax. It is just a matter of getting there. But the “matter of getting there” does not exist for most of the women working at Not I But We. 

During this week’s Flourish Friday sessions, I listened and learned as the women shared their stories and experiences on understanding and expressing emotions. In these conversations, certain women unpacked their relationship with fear, speaking about how at times nowhere feels safe to them. One woman spoke about her physical home not as a place of comfort, but of anger and anxiety. The women expressed how when they are at work they feel different – less angry and more at peace. 

Due to my own experience feeling apprehensive walking alone between my house and work, I have been reflecting on the importance of safe spaces. When external safety is acquired it makes room for someone to explore, create, and understand themselves. I can handle living in a state of survival for fifteen minutes a day because I know there will be an end to it. However, without an end in sight that person must constantly navigate to survive. 

Every person has the right to a safe space, a home. Home is defined as a feeling of safety, comfort, and belonging and can be found in more places than one. My home here in Cape Town with seven strangers, has become just as much of a home to me as anywhere. These seven strangers have sat with me in sadness, danced with me in joy, and supported me in fear. Our weekly family dinners are a reminder that the presence of community can create a home anywhere, and that is exactly what Not I But We does. It is a safe, comfortable, temporary home for survivors as they build/rebuild their own.

The home that is created at Not I But We is built on trust, honesty, transparency, compassion, and consistency. Trust has to be built with the survivors before any relationship can form. This is a slow process. My first steps in building this trust is by being consistent – saying hello to everyone in the morning, being available to talk, addressing individuals by name, and sitting in stillness alongside them at lunch or Flourish Fridays. I am in awe of all the women’s courage, strength, and resilience. I am feeling so grateful to learn from, look up to, and be present with every person in the office.

I am so thankful for moments that propel me towards being more curious about the life of another. My seven minute walk may be a small part of my day but has created a large shift in my perspective.