A lot of Germans ask me, when they find out that I am an American, about what the typical view of Germans is in America. I tell them that, besides childishly calling them Nazis, most people in America think that Germans are hard-working, efficient, and good at what they do. This is usually received with a thoughtful nod of agreement; most Germans are very much aware of and comfortable with the stereotype that foreigners have of them. And it’s no small wonder – the whole description is more or less a compliment. The worst that can be said about a hard-working, efficient, talented and smart person is that they are too serious, and in Germany there’s no such thing as “too serious.” They are proud of their national character, even if they aren’t necessarily proud of all the things their efficiency has accomplished in the past.

What I’ve always failed to do, due to linguistic skills or otherwise, is to follow up and ask my interlocutor why he or she thinks Germans have that reputation. In what way are Germans and German culture different that they produce such a unique character? Last week I had a conversation that, while perhaps not a direct answer, gave me more insight into a possible cause of the German character.

Since the week of Christmas, the Steinmann household has been nothing but an endless stream of visitors. First came Christmas guests, then New Year’s Eve guests, then birthday guests for Beate, my host mother, then really late Christmas/Holiday guests from Berlin with the newest addition to the Steinmann family, the baby Clara. This last group is the one the concerns us right now. It was coffee hour, and we were eight altogether. Along with the three visitors from Berlin, an older couple had dropped in to join us without much notice (later there was much complaining about this). The older man, whose name I forget even though I had a business card of his, is a teacher at a vocational school. But not just any vocational school – this was where one went to get one’s Masters in everything from construction to hairdressing. That’s right. In Germany, you can acquire an M.A. in Hairdressing.

I was not the only one surprised by this, and fortunately there was much interest in an explanation of what the hell you do to get a Masters in Hairdressing, and why you would need one. Now bear in mind that my German has only recently allowed me to guess at what certain tones of voice mean, or to attempt to deduce something about someone’s character by their manner of speaking. But some personality traits refuse to be restrained by mere language, and I could tell fairly clearly that this particular gentleman was more than happy to explain just how necessary and important this particular Masters degree is. Here is what I gathered from the conversation.

Almost all of the so-called (in English) “vocational” crafts, like building, plumbing, and yes, hair-cutting, require each prospective builder, plumber, and hair-cutter to pass a certain test, which is half-written and half-practical. Usually one will attend a specific school, for example, a hair-cutting school, for a year or so, getting both classroom instruction and hands-on experience. At this point, I’m shaking my head up and down, admiring German culture for creating a magnificently efficient modern-day apprentice system. He continued that those who do not pass the test after one retake must wait another year to take the test again. Hmm, ok, I thought to myself, seems a bit strict, but maybe those people really do need the time to learn and hone their skills. If and when they pass the test, they are officially and legally allowed to do the following: work for an already-existing company in their trade. That is it. They may not open a store, they may not become a co-owner with someone else, and they certainly may not cut hair on the side, as a hobby or something. In other words, unless they can find a job at an already-existing company, they have now wasted an entire year of their lives.

At this point, I’m not quite hostile to this practice, as I agree that we shouldn’t let just any wacko with a pair of scissors near our heads, but the free-market, capitalist American in me, of whose residence I was previously unaware, was whining about invisible hands and liberty, etc., and perhaps with good reason. The consequences of a bad heart surgery are dire and final, and thus the rigorous level of training and education serves a purpose. But the consequence of a bad haircut? Hats. Surely the market would weed out all those bad hair-cutters quickly enough, right? And the people living out in the country in a place not unlike Enkenbach-Alsenborn… wouldn’t they not care about their haircuts, whether they were good or bad, so long as they were cheap?

And yet our rather loud, but likable teacher was continuing, since the question of how one can open one’s own haircutting business naturally arose. This, of course, was his specialty. Saying our theoretical hairdresser wished to open his own business, or even become an owner of an already-existing business, he would be required to obtain a Masters. This program would last 1-2 years, during which he would take business courses relevant to owning and operating a business, and at the end of this education he would have to take at least one more test, most likely two: a test for the business side and another practical hairdressing exam. I didn’t catch whether one could fail and retake this test, but by that point I had heard enough to realize one very important truth: Germans have a reputation for being highly-skilled because everyone, from doctors to hairdressers, is educated, trained, and tested in everything they do. Is it economically sensible? Not at all. But the Germans answer to a different value: pride. They are proud of the reputation they’ve made for themselves, and if that means that hairdressers go through a ridiculous and extraneous amount of mental stress just to cut hair, then so be it. In fact, so should it be!

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Correction (1/29/12): As pointed out in the comments, I confused the German word “Meister,” which I heard in conversation, for the English word Master, in the sense of a Masters that one earns after a Bachelors. This is incorrect. The “Meister” which was spoken of during this conversation is roughly equivalent to an American Bachelors degree, but even this comparison is slightly misleading due to the highly specialized nature of secondary and post-secondary German education.

Despite multiple apocalyptic predictions, it’s 2013 and we’re still here. Might as well make the best of it, right?

I, for one, had a wonderful Winter break. I visited Freiburg, a small city in southern Germany, and met up with a friend and his family. We had some of the best schnitzel I’ve ever had, as well as a few good regional beers. It was a great time. I spent New Year’s Eve in Madrid and stayed for about a week with another friend of mine, and although I cannot figure out why, I felt very refreshed when I returned to Germany. It could have been the plentiful sun, the siestas, the food, the museums, the good (English) conversation, or the company, but it was probably all of those things conspiring together that have left me in such good spirits.

Unfortunately, the New Year has not left everyone in a good mood. My 13^th year students have to take their Abitur, a cumulative test in each of their three areas of focus, and most of them miserably spent their “Winter break” studying. Their Abitur has two sections, written and oral, and the entire month of January is dedicated to the three written tests. In Rheinland-Pfalz, students need only take one oral exam in one of their areas of focus, and that test takes place at the end of February. On the bright side, once these tests are finished, the students have the rest of the semester off – 3 extra months of vacation! I can tell that many of them are restless, and anxious to be done with school, so I’ve been doing my best to help keep them motivated. I get the sense that the English teachers use me as a reward for the students, or as a means to keep the students interested, and that suits me just fine. I have no pedagogic education, and I cannot (yet) teach a lesson and be able to answer question in German, but I have always loved the spontaneous ebb and flow of conversation, and since English is not only a native language but also one of my specialties, I enjoy the challenge of coming up with conversation topics and keeping the conversation going. Not to say that it’s always easy for me to do that, but it is something in which I’m well practiced.

That said, I thought I might share this week’s conversation topic: Dinner for One and New Year’s Eve Traditions. I found out about Dinner for One while browsing a few German websites, and I find it equally strange and hilarious. For those of you who don’t know what it is, which probably includes everyone born in America, England, or Australia, the places where you might expect it to be seen, Dinner for One is a silly, old, British 10-minute gag about an old woman and a progressively drunker butler. The humor is far from complex, and I have to admit that the original isn’t the funniest thing I’ve seen, but for some reason this short program is a New Year’s Eve tradition in Germany, and many other European countries including Sweden, Norway, Denmark. Don’t ask me why an English language program has become a tradition on New Year’s Eve in non-English speaking countries, and not in English speaking countries. I have no idea why. If you want more history about it, the Wikipedia page is pretty good. But what I really must recommend is a parody by Bernd das Brot, a German children’s-television character that I find quite hilarious. I’ve posted the original and Bernd’s parody below for your enjoyment.

Until next time,

Derek

Just a note for the Brot version – the English bit begins around 3:00

Over the last few months, I’ve noticed a few things about my surroundings, as well as Germany and Germans in general, so I thought I’d share them. I think most Germans would admit to the truth of most of these descriptions, but don’t take my word as gospel. Enjoy!

Food and Drink

1. Mealtime is sacred. If you’re in the house during noon or 6pm, you are expected at the table.
2. Pork, pork, everywhere, but not a proper slice of bacon to be found.
3. Do you like bread? Good, because the Germans do too. Fresh baked bread. And always, always, always these little rolls called brötchen. It’s like a crisp hamburger roll that actually tastes good.
4. Some people accuse Germans of neglecting vegetables in their diet in favor of bread, meat, and cheese, but that’s an unfair accusation. Why, in just the last few days I’ve had mashed potatoes, Knödel, and fried potatoes. Potatoes are plants, so they count as a vegetable, right?
5. Lunch is the big meal, not dinner. This one threw me for quite a while.
6. Everything you drink has bubbles. Breakfast juice, apple juice, water, punch, beer, Fanta, cola, and wine all can be, and often are, carbonated.
7. Only foreigners drink tap water. To Germans, Wasser ist zum Waschen Da (Water is for washing!)
8. Every time I drink with a German, they are more than happy to explain how German beer is the best beer in the world, and that all other countries’ beers are awful (especially American beer.)
9. You do not use your hands to eat. You always use a fork and knife. And if you’re a real German, you never put your knife down. Exception: soup.
10. German chocolate is fantastic.
11. Sausages. Every meal. Every occasion.

Manners and Social Customs

1. In my experience, Germans are far less obsessed with punctuality than I’d been taught to expect. Or maybe I’m just really punctual?
2. Many people will casually greet you with a “Hallo” or “Guten Tag” on the street, which I did not expect at all. It may be simply because I live in a small town. However, this phenomenon is less common among people with no or white hair, so it’s possible that 20 years ago, greeting each other on the street was not so common.
3. “And on the seventh day the Germans rested, and no shop was open, and no person left the house, and the people did rest, and a feast was made in preparation for Tatort, an unfathomably popular crime-investigation show (or Krimi). And the Germans saw that it was good and said ‘Alles klar.’”
4. Everyone wears scarves, all the time, and they are certainly not doing it to be hipsters.
5. If someone invites you to do something, and you say “yeah, maybe I’ll come,” it means “until my last dying breath, until I am beaten to the ground by all foes, until the sky rains fire and the seas boil, I will not forsake our plans,” and NOT “I don’t really want to go, and I probably won’t come.”
6. Everyone does their job, and no one does more than their job. Whether it’s a store, a business, or a school, if you want help, you better ask for it. Multiple times. And then you have to hope that the person is in a good mood. Seriously, the attitude of “the customer is always right” does not exist here. Everyone treats you like an adult that can take care of themselves. At first I was offended by this, as well as completely confused and lost, but I’ve grown to appreciate it. The world doesn’t revolve around you, and Germans will be very happy to remind you of this fact.

Beliefs, Values, Opinions

1. Germans think Americans have too loose of a gun policy, and even before the recent tragedy in Sandy Hook, I had many questions from students and adults about whether or not I owned a gun, who could buy a gun, how, where, etc. EDIT 12/27: Recent German Cartoon (rough translation: “Oh look, an assault rifle”)
2. Germans almost unanimously love Barack Obama. During election time, I saw a survey among Germans about who they would vote for, if they could: 90% Obama, 8% Romney, 2% Other.
3. Germans also tend to be, as measured by the American political spectrum, fairly liberal. They take great pride in their social programs for healthcare, job loss, as well as a host of other work-related benefits (parents of a newborn can take a whole year off from work to raise the child, the government will pay them a percentage of their salary, and they have a guaranteed place at their old job).

Assorted

1. There is no such thing as a free restroom. If you need the toilet, you’re paying.
2. The “Pfand” system is used at many restaurants or bars. If you get your drink in a glass, you pay an extra euro for it, and you get it back when you bring your glass back.
3. The public transport system is amazingly well developed. Even little towns like Enkenbach have their own train station, and the trains run on time for the most part. Their ubiquity and usefulness far outweighs the occasional inconvenience of a missed connection… though if you heard Germans talk about it, you might think Deutsche Bahn makes their trains late on purpose.
4. Germans, and many Europeans, have the best windows. If you turn the handle up, you can crack the window like this. If you turn it sideways, it opens on the opposite side’s axis. And then turning it down closes it. It’s simple, efficient, and I love it.
5. Germans cannot play the blues/jazz. They cannot do it. And when they try, it is hilarious.

That’s all for now. This one was fun to write, so I may do another “Observations” post later… but definitely not until next year 😀

Happy New Year and Prosit Neujahr!

Derek