BIrthday Activities

There is something incredibly strange about watching everyone go back to college when, for the first time in four years, you are not going with them. As August rolled around, my social media slowly became a highlight reel of move-in pictures, campus sunsets, Welcome Week, reunions, and everyone settling back into another semester. Meanwhile, I was sitting in Kenya thinking, wait… y’all are really going back without me? For four years, August had a very specific rhythm. I knew where I was going, who I would see, what responsibilities were waiting for me, and roughly how long I had before somebody mentioned the syllabus. This year there was none of that. I knew I had graduated and that I was supposed to be moving into this exciting new chapter of my life, but knowing something and feeling it are two very different things. I was happy to be in Kenya, but I would be lying if I said I did not have a little FOMO watching everyone return to a place that had been my home for so long.

Thankfully, my birthday came at the perfect time and gave me a very good reason to get off my phone and actually look at the life happening directly in front of me. I decided that I wanted most of my birthday to be slow, and I think I succeeded. I went on a nature safari walk, visited a museum, saw The Memory of Princess Mumbi at the cinema, had a much-needed spa day, went out for a birthday dinner, had multiple picnics, and of course, another BBQ. There was also an incredible amount of food involved in basically everything I did. I would finish eating and somehow, not long afterward, somebody would ask me if I had eaten. Eventually, I stopped trying to understand the system and simply accepted the next plate. More than anything, I spent extra time with my cousins and family. Some days we went somewhere, other days we simply ate, talked, laughed, sat around, and somehow ended up eating again. Nothing felt rushed, and there was no pressure for any of it to become something bigger than what it was. After spending my first few weeks here constantly moving, learning, planning, asking questions, and thinking about what I needed to accomplish, it felt good to have a few days where my biggest responsibility was simply being present.

I think that simplicity was what I needed more than anything. Since arriving in Kenya, my brain has been FULL. I have been meeting people, traveling into the field, listening to stories, working with Shakenisho, thinking about grants, planning projects, writing, asking questions, and constantly trying to understand what I can realistically contribute during these six months. Somewhere in all of that, I think I accidentally started treating every day like it needed to be productive enough to justify me being here. My birthday reminded me that I am also allowed to just live here. I can walk through nature because it is beautiful. I can go to a museum because I am curious. I can spend an afternoon with my cousins because I love being around them. I can sit at a picnic, eat entirely too much food, laugh at something ridiculous, and not have to pull some profound public health lesson out of it afterward. Not every meaningful moment needs to become a project, a learning objective, or a bullet point in my final fellowship report. Some moments are meaningful simply because I was there long enough to enjoy them.

And honestly, somewhere in those slower moments, the gratitude started to hit me differently. I realized that I had been looking at pictures from Belmont thinking about everything I was missing while sitting in the middle of something I already know I am going to miss one day too. That realization humbled me a little bit. Here I was mourning one chapter while actively living inside another chapter that younger me would probably think was unbelievably cool. I am in Kenya. I am getting to know my family as an adult and spending ordinary afternoons with cousins I normally would not have this much time with. I am learning more about where my family comes from, exploring new places, and waking up to a life that looks completely different from the one I had just a few months ago. 
ve behind.

By the end of my birthday celebrations, I think I understood my FOMO a little differently. I do not necessarily want to go back and repeat college. I think I am simply learning what it feels like to genuinely miss a chapter of my life that is over. There was so much excitement surrounding graduation that I never really thought about what would happen when August came around and, for the first time, there was nowhere for me to “go back” to. But maybe that is the point. There is no going back this August because I am already somewhere new. My first birthday after college was filled with so many new memories and somewhere in all of that I became a little more comfortable with not knowing exactly what comes next. Do I still have FOMO sometimes? Absolutely. But I am starting to realize that while I was busy wondering what I was missing back home, I was creating a life here that I know I am going to miss too.