in a different light

Super real post, get ready. 

I was honestly just waiting for the tearful, beautiful, difficult, frustrating, joyful, laughable week to arrive and here we are. 

It is 11:16pm and I am standing under my fan waiting for my scabies cream to dry. Just so you know what’s going on, there’s that visual. 

When I said yes to this journey, I knew what I was saying yes to but didn’t realize how much it could impact me. This week, two new girls arrived to the safe house with stories that have allowed me to see the world in a different light. I get frustrated with that different light sometimes but I am grateful to have it but most times I am angry with it. Many want to ignore that light, ignore the part of life that can break our hearts, but there is something that happens within us when we look straight into that light. Looking straight into this light can hurt our eyes but more so, it can hurt our hearts. When we look straight at it, we can’t ignore it, it stays in our eyes and creates those little white stars when we look away. 

These stories shine bright in our direction at New Hope and we don’t walk away, we won’t walk away. We walk toward this hurtful, frustrating, burning light. Looking at the world in this “different light” can hurt so much but it can be so wonderful once you touch the light and care for the light. 

I prayed a few years ago for the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His. I really do wonder why the heck I prayed that prayer. I guess I was just young and with no idea just how much God would show me. I found myself experiencing the answer to this prayer when the girl arrived to the safe house this week. I had been told her story a few moments before she arrived and I knew she was coming so I was preparing some clothes for her and found myself crying over a bin of socks. Her story is one of the toughest that we have heard but she is safe now. She is that light, shining bright for us to see. 

Now here I am waiting for my scabies cream to dry, reflecting. 

Each day is a new day here at New Hope. Each day is new light. My boss and friend, Joy, told me that she has this weird thing that happens when she tries to remember someone. She said that she doesn’t see their face, she can’t picture them. But she remembers the way they made her feel or the words that she remembers them saying. I feel like she sees the light in them, she sees the inner being within. This is the light, the light that burns and hurts but is wonderful. 

After my tough week, Joy wrote some poems for me. I thought I’d share them here: 

A GIRL

She is 11 with the stature of 7

I wonder why she is so tiny

I wonder how anyone could look at her

and see anything but a tiny

GIRL

There are 1,000 stories that bring our girls to us

and 1 thing they all have in common

someone, sometime  – sometimes many, many times

looked at her and didn’t see

a GIRL

a prize, a piece, a possession

an opportunity, an object

But NOT

a GIRL

Today as we held up new clothes to her waif of a body

We choked back tears

Because all we could see was a GIRL

a tiny

vulnerable

GIRL

And Today she begins the journey

to see herself as she truly is

A GIRL

Full of wonder

and promise

and Hope

Created for a purpose

A Holy purpose

A GIRL

_____________

New Hope Days

She wasn’t prepared for what

She’d see or experience

even though we told her..

She had no idea how the dark stories

would literally break her heart

She had no idea how deep

she would love and laugh

How hard she would fall

So Fast

Tonight she stands beneath a fan

trying to process her day

between tears and belly laughs

as her scabie cream dries. –LOL

and she prepares her mind for sleep

REST deep

because tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow truly is another day. Another day to fight, another day to laugh, another day to shine bright. The school year is upon us here in La Vega. Uniforms are ready. Vera Bradley backpacks are filled with supplies. And the light of New Hope is excited to enter school.

Goodbye summer, hello number 2 pencils, fresh markers, & eager learners!

Amor, 

Jess