Jessica Molloy
Jessica Molloy
Dominican Republic 2019 - 2020
I am traveling to La Vega, Dominican Republic and will be working with New Hope Girls! This is a safe house for girls ages 4-17 seeking refuge from dark and difficult places. I will be the certified teacher on site of the safe house! Read More About Jessica →

stop and sit awhile

The other day I was headed out for my run in the morning at the stadium near my house. I love running. I used to hate it, I actually used to despise it, running used to control me. Now in my life, running is my therapy, it helps me put my thoughts into place when they are just swirling around. It helps me calm down, get in a rhythm, and allows me to know my body’s limits and abilities. 

That morning, I wanted to run. It was a typical day, nothing new. I wanted to run so badly, I wanted to push myself, I wanted to organize my thoughts. Lap after lap alone at the track, I felt this energy falling off me. I no longer was able to organize my thoughts. I wanted to keep going but something was telling me to stop and sit awhile…so naturally I ignored that and kept going…even looked at the stadium stairs and did some stadiums to keep myself moving. But still, there was something telling me to stop and sit awhile. 

At the top of one of my stadiums, I plopped myself down in a shady spot overlooking the red, dusty track. I listened to my breathing and allowed myself to just be for a moment. Just be. Here now. And in that moment, it sort of hit me wondering how the heck I got here. How I got to the Dominican Republic, how I found New Hope, how I became passionate about this work, but also how difficult this work is, how frustrating this work is, how angry I am with the world’s brutality sometimes, how important this work is, but how much it is affecting me and hitting me hard. For that moment, I was able to be above it all, at the top of the stadium looking down. My boss, Joy, has her high above spot, too. She goes there to dream but also to be physically above things that are challenging. I didn’t realize that the stadium was that for me until writing this. Just to physically feel taller and higher, I felt like I could breath for a moment, felt like I was above the water. 

This work is tough. It is not sugar-coated, nicely wrapped, with a bow. It is real, raw, and beautiful in its own way. Within the beautiful moments, there are moments of grief, vulnerability, moments of triggers and moments of pure sadness but I would argue that these moments are just as beautiful as the typical ‘beautiful’ smiley moments. Without darkness, we don’t know light. Without the tough, feeling like giving up moments, we don’t see the joyous and wondrous times. 

I am thankful for my emotions, I wouldn’t be the person I am without them. I am thankful for tears and thankful for sadness allowing for a flow of emotion to show among my face. To walk with these girls for the past four months is probably one of the highest honors I’ve had. To cry with them, to laugh with them, to hug them and hold their hand affects me in ways that I would have never realized but each emotion that I have, I try to match with patience with myself. Sometimes that patience with my emotions is small and I get frustrated that I am not stronger but the thing that I’m learning is that there is a lot of strength in emotion. There is strength in tears. There is strength in breaking down. I would be lying to you if I said this year is easy. This year, I am growing and these growing pains hurt. 

As I looked down at the track, allowing for my thoughts to file themselves back, I was glad that something told me to sit and to be. That something was the Lord just pulling me back to listen to His whisper. To sit in my emotion, to feel it and own it and allow it to keep me going. To keep holding their hand, to keep having the hard conversations, to keep hugging them after a long day. Recognizing my own emotion in all this has allowed me to become closer with each girl as they see more of the real Jess coming through. 

Here’s to the real, raw, emotional you.

Amor, 

Jess

 

 

Now for some fun photos that ya gotta see  

was just happy with my proper noun vs. noun lesson, I had to take a pic.

went to Moca, DR & had a ball of plantains with a lot of cheese (aka monfongo)

made myself a pb and honey sandwich cause that’s what my mom makes and I miss her a lot

no pumpkins? no problem

me carrying 13 pineapples back to my house for a lesson I planned for later that day...that was my exercise that day

 

4 thoughts on “stop and sit awhile”

  1. My dear good and very precious sister in Christ, you are an inspiration to the world! This world just doesn’t know it. Our God is a good and loving God: This thought, scratch that! This reality is what gives us that second wind in the middle of this chaos called Life. Its what makes us stop, listen, and in the silence a Voice that fills our heart with so much love for humanity that no matter the difficulties or the pain that it might bring us, we remember: There was and is One that suffered greatly to give us the example of redemptive suffering. May God continue to fill you with his grace you beautiful daughter of His.

    Love, your brother in Christ,
    Yovany

    1. Yovany,

      Can you write a book already? You have the best writing. Thank you so much for your beautiful words. I love that Voice that fills our hearts, I can hear it. Love you

  2. Hey Jessica! I am a current Belmont student and the Vice President for Enactus this year, and I am looking for partnerships with internationally based social enterprises and nonprofits. If you can, I would love to talk to you about ways that our organization could help your work! Feel free to email me at my Belmont email.

    Thanks,
    Monika Falat

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