Hi everyone! Breaking my normal blog structure to share some reflections on my time so far. May 18th just marked four months of being in Panama; it is wild to me how quickly life can change.

Every day I am filled with gratitude to be able to live my life here in Panama. I have a safe place to live, meaningful and inspiring work to do, growing friendships, activities and sports to participate in, a mature spiritual community, and margin to rest and learn. This experience has been such a gift to me and I am filled with anticipation for the next 8 months of my Lumos experience. Because some of my long-term goals involve working within Latin America, I have never viewed this move as just a trip, but rather as the start of a new season in my life.

Personally, I’ve been learning a lot too. Simply being in a new city has pushed me to be more engaged and outgoing. Rebuilding a community in a new place means I need to be actively engaged as I relate to people, be friendly, initiate conversations, and let go of my default mode of being quiet. I’ve noticed my reflex of saying less out of fear of talking too much has changed. I’m learning how to let other people get to know who I am and openly communicate what type of person I am without feeling bad about talking about myself. Speaking in Spanish and being the new person in almost every environment has helped with this a lot. I am stronger, more mature, and more confident which I think comes with the territory of moving to a new country.

I’m learning a lot about my surroundings as well. I gain new Spanish vocabulary every week which is fun and very useful. Recently I’ve learned about the production of Geisha coffee in Panama, the circular food industry, the history of protests and government participation, spatial injustice through the development of urban areas, international influences on the culture in Panama, and the history of Colón. I am grateful for this margin in my life to learn and further develop skills. Right now I am reading a historical account on the Panama Canal (which is fascinating) and finally tackling my 14-year rhythm struggle on the guitar.

I am learning how to work well, taking note of the times of day I am most productive, incorporating walks and breaks into my days, and letting go of what I’m guessing is American guilt that I am not being productive enough. And what can I say about my work except that it is such a privilege to be able to design processes and programs to serve women more effectively. I am honing design thinking skills, learning about the importance of psychological support in empowerment, the best ways to include beneficiaries in our work,  and understanding how professional relationships are conducted in Latin America.

The other day I remembered an article I read at 14 about nonprofits offering vocational training for women working as prostitutes in developing countries. I was so touched and inspired that I tore the pages out of the magazine, wrote on a sticky note, “God will you use me to change this?” and put it in a drawer to read and reread often. A lot of time and hard life experiences have passed since those days, but I have been reminded recently why I was so passionate about working in the nonprofit and community development world. It is becoming clear again that vocationally, I want my work to center on supporting women and young adults experiencing economic vulnerability in Latin America. That could look like a variety of things in the future, but taking my background and strengths into account will likely involve developing small business training resources, creating educational curriculums and programs, along with advocacy, economic research, and policy writing. Anything could happen!

In summary, I am seeing renewal in my life. Something I am so grateful for and something I have very much needed. Navigating my  20s is still hard, living with grief is still hard, and being far from some of my favorite people is hard. But my cup is very much overflowing. Thanks for following along and thanks for cheering me on.

I hope you’re doing well!

Renée

P.S. We just started implementing the follow-up process I designed for Calicanto and have gotten REALLY excellent feedback from the cohort! I’m writing a blog post for the foundation that I’ll link in my next Lumos post so you can understand what I’ve been working on recently.

P.P.S. Maybe the biggest highlight of my life thus far is that I scored a goal with a header playing soccer with friends last week. What a thrill!

• Finding a yoga studio close to my home.
• Watching friends participate in a surf competition.
• New coffee shop opening at the end of my street.
• Babysitting my Ps. daughters for a weekend.

Renée

Tomorrow marks 2 months of living in Panama! It feels like it’s been much longer in the best possible way.

Highlights recently have been:
– Weekend beach trip to Punto Barcos
– Volleyball clinics
– Dinner with a local Filipino family
– Church service in Parque Omar

Current Projects:
I just hosted my first focus group with program alumni on Monday and have spent the week reviewing the feedback, making adjustments, and creating some internal structures (ppts, program flows, etc.) for the team to implement in the future.

I’ve had some really helpful clarifying conversations with my boss and a couple of mentors which has given me renewed focus on my next couple of projects. Some of the tensions I’m managing with this current project are creating an impact-tracking format that gathers all the information we need while still being engaging and attractive for our alumni. From an organizational stand-point, follow-up is a vital part of the nonprofit process, but from an alumni’s perspective it can often be tedious, unnecessary, and an imposition on their time.
My current mindset is that of simplifying. Now that I have a basic format, I am reviewing, analyzing, and trimming our process to keep it as lean, short, and attractive as possible. Also exploring offering incentives for participation and trimming our follow-up pool to a specific number of people instead of an entire cohort to get higher-quality feedback.
I just mapped out the next steps for these next few projects on To-Doist and have an overview of the rest of the year which is helping me feel super organized.

Something New:
I’ve been reading the book Culture Map by Erin Meyer which explains the impact of culture within international business and teams.
Meyer explores the impact of culture in communication + feedback, views on authority, the impact of logical frameworks in persuasion, perception of time, etc. One commonly used example is low context and high context communication. High context cultures are fairly homogenous with a high level of shared cultural background and experiences. As a result, their communication is typically indirect with a lot of implied meaning.  On the other side of the spectrum is the United States, a country with the lowest amount of shared cultural context due to it being a relatively young nation of primarily immigrants. As a result, American culture is low context, meaning we often value direct and explicit communication.

My teams are made up of Filipinos and Latinos which are both cultures with high context communication styles (though to varying degrees). While there are many aspects of Latino culture that are simply a part of how I was raised, I am very American in my work style communication (meaning direct, executing, and efficiency-focused). It has been helpful to have a basic framework to use as I approach my international teams. I feel more aware and can better understand our dynamics now. Practicing communicating why I am doing something a certain way, as well as communicating in a high-context way here and there.

Something Difficult:
I’ve struggled the last month or so to focus on and get traction in my work. My team is all Panamanian but has been working remotely since the beginning of the pandemic. We have occasional in-person meetings and events but it has been difficult to stay motivated and get clarity working by myself at home. Sometimes it feels silly how much I need to be around people (esp as an introvert)! I’ve been redesigning my work schedule by breaking the day into blocks, planning coffee shop + WFH days with friends, and building in rest/rewards/and fun throughout my weeks.

I’m learning how to live and work at a slower pace which means unlearning a lot of striving + dealing with some burnout from the last few years I didn’t acknowledge. I’ve realized recently that I used my work as a coping mechanism during some really difficult seasons of my life and as result developed a habit of working at an unsustainable pace. I’m slowly learning what a healthy and responsible pace is work-wise and am grateful for my therapist and a couple of mentors who helped me navigate this weird and difficult brain fog/burnout over the last month.

My dad would always call me patacaliente (a Spanish idiom for someone who goes out all the time and is never home). I’ve grown a lot in this area over the years but am learning what it means to slow down in this season of my life.

Something I’m Grateful for
These days I am really grateful for a healthy body that allows me to have an active lifestyle. Having the physical health to do yoga daily, play volleyball, go for walks, run, play, and move is something that isn’t lost on me. I’m grateful to be healthy!

I am flying to Madrid tonight to visit my sister!! Will be in Europe for the next two weeks and can’t wait to give her a big hug.

Off to pack!

Cuidense,

Renée

Happy March everyone! Capping off February with one last blog post. The rainy season will be starting soon here in Panamá so I am soaking up the dry days and sunshine while it’s still here.

Highlights recently have been:

• Celebrating my birthday in Panamá
• Filipino Boodle Fight
• Weekly volleyball clinics
• Exploring my neighborhood in El Cangrejo

Current Projects
My first project with Calicanto is restructuring their follow-up process for program graduates. The alumni program as a whole has gone through a lot of changes over the last couple of years and is currently a hybrid of a lot of different things to meet a lot of different needs. The goal is to help clarify what information is most useful to collect in measuring program impact along with reducing the time team members spend on the follow-up interview process. I’ve spent the last month gathering context on the program through interviews, internal reports, and data sets and am now starting the process of organizing focus groups and getting feedback from my first draft of recommendations. My main objective is to determine a follow-up format that serves both the Conexiones team and the Calicanto alumni; balancing their needs for relevant programming and a streamlined workflow. This is Carnival week in Panamá which means that I’m off until Thursday and will resume scheduling zoom calls and interviews later in the week.

Something New
I just started an online ‘Project Management for Development’ course hosted by the International Development Bank. While I already have varied experiences in program, business, and organizational development, I am looking forward to learning more about managing initiatives well to ensure the best outcomes. I’ve also been reading + listening to one new podcast, research paper, report, or interview during my work week to get fresh input and context about the field I’m in.
So far I’ve explored:
– Esther Duflo’s work on Gender Inequality and Economic Development (obsessed with her).
– Outcome Management for Nonprofit Institutions by the Urban Institute
– Toward Realizing the Potential of Latin America’s Women Entrepreneurs: An Analysis of Barriers and Challenges by the Latin America Research Review

Context and input are important to me as they help me feel equipped to make decisions that are strategic and grounded in reality. By continuing to learn, I am investing in the quality of my work for Calicanto and my personal professional capacity. One of my favorite professors in college (I love you Dr. C!) often told me that I was a hard-core nerd haha – someone has to like reading this stuff! All that to say, I love learning and have enjoyed creating a more structured environment to do that in.

Something Difficult
Working in Spanish has been hard for me! I can’t communicate as well or professionally as I could in English so have to take a lot of time to write out what I am going to share in meetings, check my grammar often, and continue to study to improve. I am meeting weekly with a friend to practice speaking, reading the newspaper, books, doing word puzzles in Spanish, and pushing myself to continue to speak. I often feel silly making mistakes; it is humbling and hard but something I am committed to. I’ve been studying Spanish very intentionally for the last 10 years and really want to nail this down so I can continue to connect with my family, my heritage, and use Spanish in a professional work setting. On a positive note, I am finally understanding how to use the indirect object (don’t ask me how I literally couldn’t explain it to you, it just feels right now). Merecerá la pena!

Something I’ve Learned
My team did a Strengths Finders workshop last week and it has been so helpful to understand more about each person I’m working with. We’ve had some really honest and healthy conversations the last couple of days which I am grateful for. One thing I learned from this experience is that 7 out of my top 10 themes are in the strategic thinking category. Just being aware of this has helped me understand my own thought process + actions better. At times I can feel overwhelmed by the amount of information I need to collect before taking the first step, come off cynical + skeptical as I analyze ideas/situations/problems, and just get plain lost in the weeds of my brain! It has taken a lot of growth, discipline, and therapy to get to a healthy place with my analytical brain. Being aware that this is how I am wired has definitely helped me give myself more grace and understand the unique ways I can contribute and also be a hindrance in teams and relationships.

Something I’m Looking forward to
I get to visit my sister in Germany in 3 weeks and I can’t wait!!! Haven’t seen her in person since October when she moved there for grad school. We’re meeting in Madrid, Spain to visit some friends and family and then capping off the trip seeing some of her closest friends on tour in Berlin. So excited to give her a hug and spend time together.

That’s all for now chicos, let’s talk more soon.

Cuidense,

Renée

Hola chicos! Quickly approaching one month in Panamá and feeling at home! For my sanity and yours, I’ll be updating this blog by answering the same couple of questions every few weeks. See below 🙂

Highlights recently have been:
– A beach trip to Mamey Island!
– Hosting Tiff’s birthday party
– Working alongside the Calicanto team
– Nightly volleyball at Cinta Costera
– Team dinners/lunches/hangs

Current Projects 
Work-wise, I am focusing on gaining more context and scope of the program I’ll be restructuring. My days have looked like informational interviews with team members, sorting and reading through data they have collected from alumni, sitting in on workshops for participants, and defining my objectives + timeline for the next couple of months. One word that keeps coming to mind and summarizes my work with Calicanto well is “cultivating”. There is so much potential within the program and need within the community they serve. Right now I feel as if I am working in a garden; pulling weeds, removing overgrown branches, clearing brush, tilling the soil, all to get to the point when it is time to sow seeds of a new program structure! Development is hard. It is very much a process of unfolding and working with ‘unformed’ potential for months can be tiring. I’ve learned over the last couple of years that there is a discipline of assessing needs, asking questions, doing research, and consistently prototyping until the best format for the program/business/whathaveyou becomes clear. Though it is challenging, I really enjoy this type of discovery process and I am so grateful for the trust the Calicanto team has shown me!

Something New
I listened to an interview with two of my favorite economists, Esther Duflo and Abhijit Banerjee, the other day, and a quote from their book “Good Economics for Hard Times” struck a chord in me. It reads,
“What is common among a drought-affected farmer in India, a youth on the Southside of Chicago, and a 50-something white man who was just laid off – what is common is that while they have problems, they are not the problem. They are entitled to be seen for who they are and not to be defined by the difficulties besieging them. Time again, we have seen in our travels in developing countries that hope is the fuel that makes people go. Defining people by their problems is turning circumstances into essence; it denies hope. A natural response is then to wrap oneself into this identity with treacherous consequences for society at large.”
So good, right? Listening to the above helped me to understand and connect deeper with Calicanto’s work. One thing I deeply admire about this foundation is that their work is first and foremost one of inspiring hope. Their main objective is to equip women with psychological tools and support to inspire hope and empower them to seek out the best opportunities for themselves and their families. Entrepreneurship workshops, community advocacy tools, and all other resources they share are done second to teaching emotional health and self-respect/love.

Something Difficult
Grocery shopping has been overwhelming for me. Even back in the States, I’d tend to get stressed grocery shopping and shopping in Panama has been even harder. Produce and prices are surprisingly comparable to Nashville so I often find myself comparing prices not only to other products in the store but also prices at home all in Spanish. I then bag the food in reusable bags while speaking with the clerk in Spanish, make sure I have the cash to tip, call and wait for an Uber in the heat, and then load and unload the car up to the 18th floor of my apartment. I did a big shopping trip last week and ended the day stress-eating Cheetos and taking a nap at 6 pm haha. Hoping it becomes easier with practice!

Something I’ve Learned
I’ve learned that when communicating impact there is a need for both quantitative data AND personal stories. A frequent conversation my boss, Gabriela, and I have is how success stories without data and data without real stories are at best an incomplete depiction and at worst completely ineffective in communicating impact. Filing this away and planning to develop this thought into some key practices to make sure we prioritize both in future program initiatives.

Something I’m Grateful for
I am grateful for the church team here literally every day – they feel like family! We all live within a 10-minute walk of each other so cycle through different apartments for dinners, meetings, movie nights, lunches, etc. We’re actually living our lives together and I am so grateful to be surrounded by such fun, mature, and kind people. This community has been such a clear display of God’s kindness to me. Whether it is a quick meeting with nothing to eat but ginger snap cookies or a day spent on an island in the Caribbean it has been so filling and fun to spend time with them!

In summary! I am feeling a little more settled, getting a little tanner, and speaking Spanish a little better every day. Until next time, friends.

Cuidense!

Renée

I’ve been in Panamá for 72 hours! It feels like home! It’s warm! I can speak in Spanish all the time! The mangoes are huge!

One of my best friends from Nashville, Tiff, also moved to Panamá to participate in a church plant with the global movement, Every Nation. There’s a team of 20 that has already been in Panamá for a couple of months so we’ve had built-in community and support as we get adjusted. I feel immeasurably grateful for them and to have one of my closest friends here!

The team picked Tiff and me up from the airport on Tuesday with flowers and helped us settle into our place. We later met up with everyone at a rooftop restaurant overlooking Casco Viejo to celebrate one of our team member’s birthdays. The city is so interesting, there are mountains to the west, oceans, high rises, and barrios all visible in one 360 view. The temp averages between 85 and 90 degrees with a breeze because of the close proximity to the ocean. I love the weather! Panama City is super international. Because of the trade opportunities the canal provides, there is a lot of foreign direct investment, western influence, and infrastructure. It is one of the most developed cities in Central America. Geographically, it connects Central and South America so there are a lot of immigrants from neighboring countries along with international ex-pats who have moved and settled here. For example, my first two local friends are Venezuelan, not Panamanian!

Unfortunately, our apartment fell through the day before we left Nashville, so we rented an Airbnb for a week in the center of the city while we search for a new one. We spent Wednesday with a couple of realtors looking at available apartments and found a perfect one! It’s super close to coffee shops, parks, and markets and has plenty of space to host new friends. It’s also safe but approachable which was an important combo for me.

As I’ve gotten settled, I have been very aware of the importance of maintaining my routines and practices. I love people and new things but can struggle to get started and stay engaged with myself and what’s going on around me. I’ve recognized that taking time in the morning to myself is a great way to ground, fuel, and engage myself before zipping off to do things. One of my intentions this year is to practice being before doing and keeping morning and evening routines have been a great way to practice that along with keeping a sense of normalcy in such a new environment.

A poem I’ve been thinking about a lot recently is:

“I have a need
of such clearance
as the Savior affected in the temple of Jerusalem
a riddance of clutter
of what is secondary
that blocks the way
to the all-important central emptiness
which is filled with the presence of God alone.”
-Jean Danielou

As I’ve moved away from Nashville the clutter, baggage, and secondary things that need to be temporarily set aside, reprioritized, and let go of have become more apparent. It feels really good to have distance but also support from people I love, and space to experience new things and grow! Additionally, it’s becoming clear that some of the less healthy habits I’ve been leaning on won’t cut it here. I could get by being on Instagram all the time (one example of many) and recover faster from the resulting negative effects on my mental health because I had such a strong support system in Nashville. If I am to care for myself and others with maturity and love in this new environment, I need depth in my habits and practices. Depth for me looks like acknowledging and respecting my physical and emotional limits, setting boundaries with myself and others, learning more about my faith, prioritizing time to be quiet and still, and taking steps to pursue my personal learning and growth goals.

I haven’t even been in Panamá a full week and could share so much more. Planning a rest day tomorrow to recharge before I officially start work on Monday!

Hablaremos más pronto!
Cuidense,
Renée

Hi all — Sharing my first blog post as I prepare for my Lumos move in T-11 days!

Professionally, preparation these days looks like wrapping up my work. I’ve been doing a lot of interviewing, onboarding, and communication to pass off my projects/responsibilities to our new and current team members. This season has been a pretty consistent reminder that I am not indispensable and that is a really good thing. Feeling so grateful for the 2 1/2 years working with Placemat + Feeding Nashville and really hopeful for the growth and future of our team. I am sad to miss it; it’s hard to leave a good thing.

Personally, preparation looks like listening to grammar and story podcasts to refine my Spanish (my favorite currently is El Hilo), getting rid of things, spending time with my family and core friends, and a lot of personal admin things like immunizations appointments and selling my car. I just got back from a solo ski trip to North Carolina which was so refreshing and fun. It was helpful to have time to be quiet, explore, collect myself, rest, and plan for this big move. I took some time to map out my goals, budget, priorities, etc., and am feeling much more pulled together and prepared than I was previously. This upcoming week is going to be full of lots of goodbye parties (Omicron might say otherwise) and knocking things off my long to-do list! We’re getting so close, this is crazy!

The three most frequent questions I’ve been getting recently are:
“Are you ready?”
“Are you scared?”
“How are you feeling?”

I’m guessing you might be curious about those things if you’re reading this, so am writing out my responses here:
1. Truthfully, I’m ready.
2. I’m not scared about this move/project/experience at all. BUT it is easy to feel scared about what my future might look like post-Lumos. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last couple of years is that things can change in my life and in the world so quickly. I’m anxious to see who I’ll be and what I want when this is over.
3. I feel sad to leave my family + community here in Nashville. I have such wonderful friends, pastors, and support here and really love them. At the same time, I’m so excited to explore, grow, and experience living and working in Panama. Every time I think about the fact that I am getting to move to Latin America and help people practically, tears of joy well up in my eyes. This opportunity touches a deep dream in my heart and I really am so grateful for this next step.

I’ve been thinking recently about what it’s going to be like when I land in Panama on the 18th. I am so looking forward to the flood of “This is really happening! I’m living here! I’m speaking in Spanish every day! People look like me!”. It’s happening so soon. Until then, I’m going to enjoy this time with my favorite people, wear my mask and get some things done.

That’s all I’ve got right now, chicos. Cuidense!

– Renée

See some photos from my trip to Banner Elk, NC below.

A Couple of Notes:
I have Spanish-speaking family who will be reading this so will be posting in both Spanish + English as time allows!

Writing a blog is going to be a great way to process this experience but is also kind of nerve-wracking because I’m scared of becoming a babbler. This is not going to be the type of blog where you read through someone’s entire life story just to see the cookie recipe they posted 🙂 With this in mind, I’m setting some boundaries below for both of our sakes!

My general format is going to follow:
– Current projects + work check-in
– Something new
– Something difficult
– Something I’ve learned
– Something I’m grateful for